top of page
SOOTHE Group
Supporting Ourselves and Others Through Healing and Empowerment
Week 4.1
Estimated time to complete 4.1: 30-40 mins
Safety and safeness
Learning to distinguish between safety and safeness is one of the central teachings of Compassion-Focused Therapy.
Reflect...
When you think of "safety," what comes to mind?
Enter your response in your Reflective Journal and paste it below if you'd like your facilitators to see.
Many of us learn to define safety as the absence of threat or removal of danger. We might do this by staying away from anything that feels threatening. This leads us to avoid.
Safety can feel like locking all the doors so nothing gets in.
00:00 / 01:01
We're likely living in safety mode most of the time.
Imagine a bird in a tree, searching for food and constantly scanning and looking for potential threats so that it can fly away very quickly. This might describe how many of us feel daily.
We are too prone to scanning the environment for any signs of threat or danger. This is not our fault, but rather the result of our evolved brains and our automatic threat system (the red circle).
What distinguishes us from birds, and which makes things harder for us, is that we are also capable of meta-cognition. Meta-cognition is "thinking about thinking," which means we can have thoughts and harsh negative judgements about our worrying thoughts. These mental loops further intensify our feelings of threat and our search for safety, which might lead us to avoid.
00:00 / 00:35
On the other hand, "safeness" is defined by the presence of support. It is a set of positive, deep feelings that enable us to be open and warm. Safeness is not the same as the absence of threat, but rather, a presence of resources to cope with danger and exposure to threat.
When we feel a sense of safeness, we can relax and enjoy our surroundings, take pleasure in the moment, and begin to explore and try new things.
To distinguish between the concept of safety and safeness, take a look at this metaphor - The Ocean
An example of a situation of threat would be if I wanted to cross a stretch of sea to reach a destination that is very important to me. However, there is a big storm, the sea conditions are terribly rough and the boat is at high risk of being overturned. A situation of safety would be giving up on my dream, giving up on crossing the stretch of sea and instead going as far away from the sea as possible (avoiding danger and feeling safe from it).
A situation of safeness, involves the feeling of resourcefulness, strength, stability and agency even in the presence of threat – in this metaphor, it might be knowing that I’m not alone on the crossing and I have someone with me to help me make it, or that I know how to handle the boat or I have a life jacket that allows me to keep swimming (feeling safe to approach the threat).
Safeness isn't about removing danger - it's about having what you need to cope when danger is present.
00:00 / 01:25
00:00 / 00:39
Exploring a space of safety
00:00 / 04:20
Exploring a space of safety
To help you explore safety vs safeness, we'll go through a guided practice. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to do this
You might find this exercise to be too tricky. That's completely ok. Give yourself permission to interrupt the exercise - you might like to take breaks, just remain curious about the possibility of such a place existing, or you can choose not to engage in this practice.
Just do what feels right for you.
Reflect...
If you'd like to, you can do some self-reflection about the following prompts:
1. What bodily sensations did you experience when in a space of safety?
2. What facial expression and what body posture do you associate with this space?
3. Check-in with your three circles - what is the configuration of them? (you might like to draw these on paper)
Enter your response in your Reflective Journal and paste it below if you'd like your facilitators to see.
00:00 / 00:24
A space of safety might be associated with a bigger red circle. Even if threat has been avoided, the mind may continue to monitor the environment for it.
Is this something you noticed in your own reflections?
If you'd like to reflect deeper on this concept, refer to the handout:
Your place of safety.
DRIVE: Excitement, Happiness, Joy
SOOTHING: Calm, Contentment, Peace
THREAT: Anger, Anxiety, Disgust
You've worked really hard to get to this point of the module.
You might like to take a break or grab a cuppa before returning to explore a place of safeness.
Exploring a space of safeness
We'll now go on to explore the felt sense of safeness.
Remember that safeness does not mean absence or avoidance of threat, but rather the presence of support and resources that can help us in the presence of threat.
Listen to this guided practice to help you tune in to what safeness feels and looks like for you.
Exploring a space of safeness
00:00 / 05:07
00:00 / 00:24
Reflect...
If you'd like to, you can do some self-reflection about the following prompts:
1. What bodily sensations did you experience when in a space of safeness?
2. What facial expression and what body posture do you associate with this space?
3. Check-in with your three circles - what is the configuration of them now? (you might like to draw these on paper)
Enter your response in your Reflective Journal and paste it below if you'd like your facilitators to see.
00:00 / 00:33
A space of safeness might be associated with a bigger green circle.
Is this something you noticed in your own reflections?
Your red circle could still be active, but it might be better regulated or balanced by the presence of the green circle. Our blue circle might also be active if you're in a state of feeling connected and ready to explore.
If you'd like to reflect deeper on this concept, refer to the handout:
Your place of safeness.
DRIVE: Excitement, Happiness, Joy
SOOTHING: Calm, Contentment, Peace
THREAT: Anger, Anxiety, Disgust
A compassionate space
00:00 / 00:40
We need both safety and safeness in our lives.
We want to have the capacity to protect ourselves, to try to avoid threats as best as possible, but also to go out in the world and explore and grow, with the knowledge that facing some obstacles and difficulties is a natural part of life.
Therefore, begin to contemplate the possibility that safety and safeness must have a place and time in our daily lives.
Combining both in our lives, is what occurs in a compassionate space.
bottom of page