SOOTHE Group
Supporting Ourselves and Others Through Healing and Empowerment
Week 8.1
Estimated time to complete 8.1: 20-25 mins
The nature of shame
Here, we introduce shame. We'll try to get a better understanding of where shame might come from and how it can show up in our lives.
Understanding the nature of shame
First, it's important for us to understand the nature of shame and where it comes from. To do this, it can be helpful to reflect on the following:
If we think of a wildlife documentary in which two big cats are fighting each other over a resource, what happens if one feels weaker and more vulnerable than the other?
What kind of behaviours do they show to the stronger one?
We usually see some kind of submissive behaviour (flight or avoiding). However, others might react by engaging in a fight.
We can observe these same reactions in human beings; when we are socially frightened and threatened, our bodies can go into a defensive or avoidant state (flight), which might show up as anxiety or other submissive behaviours. Or, our body can go into a state of fight, which might show up as aggressive or attacking tendencies.
Reflect...
1. How might you respond when you feel inferior and weaker?
2. How might you respond when you feel secure, stronger and powerful?
Enter your response in your Reflective Journal and paste it to the right if you'd like your facilitators to see.
How can shame stem from
our childhood?
If you'd like, you can listen to the passage below to understand more about how feelings of shame in adulthood, might have stemmed from earlier life experiences.
As children, we tend to adopt submissive (flight) behaviours rather than aggressive ones when faced with criticism. The recording below about Sally, will help to explain this further.
Self-conscious emotions
When we are exposed to social threats like Sally was, we feel a type of emotion called self-conscious emotions. These emotions are linked to feelings about ourselves, and can be positive or negative.
For example, pride can be linked to feeling that others admire you or like you, but can become harmful when we begin to depend on the approval of others.
The two main self-conscious emotions we are focusing on are shame and guilt.
Shame is typically related to our deep sense of self. For example, if a parent lost their temper at their child, they may think, "I'm a terrible parent" or "I'm such a bad person."
Shame, is therefore, linked with a negative self-identity.
See below some other examples of how an individual might feel shame.
Shame
"I'm broken"
"I'm a failure"
"I'm incapable"
"I hurt
people"
As social beings, we are all concerned about what other people think of us; this is common and important, as we need the help and support of others.
If you think back to a time where you experienced shame, you might notice that it brings up many of your multiple selves (angry self, sad self, anxious self, etc).
While these might feel negative, there is nothing wrong with feeling shame, it is part of being human. We all experience shame.
What's important is being able to address the possible negative consequences by using coping strategies when entering a state of shame.
